New! Updated and continued on page 2!

I'd just been keeping track of these for a while, nearly a year, in my mail program, then finally decided to *do* something with them. There's a lot of missing days and some big blocks of time with no new phrases, but at least I've got them up. There ar emore, but they've been forgotten, or written down somewhere I haven't found yet, etc... These are mostly, but not all, my thoughts and things I've said. Sometimes they were just things other people said, often Mike. They're all in chromological order, despite the fac that they may not look that way due to switching the month and day columns.

Sunday 05/12/99 "Shit. Just plain, ordinary shit."
Friday 03/12/99 "Creatively homicidal"
Friday 24/12/99 "No genitalia!!!"
Tuesday 28/12/99 "Alien cereal"
Wednesday 29/12/99 "Who was that masked dickhead?"
Thursday 30/12/99 "Penises can't walk."
Friday 31/12/99 "I think you've mistaken me for somebody who gives a damn."
Saturday 01/01/00 "Nostalgically Tasteless"
Sunday 02/01/00 "Why are there so many dead people running around???"
Monday 03/01/00 "Clothesjacking"
Tuesday 04/01/00 "Not that dead"
Wednesday 05/01/00 "Controlled crash"
Thursday 06/01/00 "Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your typing?"
Sunday 09/01/00 Something about skiing and killing people
Monday 10/01/00 "Dermal lasagna"
Tuesday 11/01/00 "Try not to bleed"
Wednesday 12/01/00 "Lovely guy. When he's not insane."
Thursday 13/01/00 "Candied keyboard gunk"
Friday 14/01/00 "Keep perfecting your imitation of the trailing end of a horse."
Saturday 15/01/00 "Disarmingly gooey"
Sunday 16/01/00 "Ingoring" (when you stab someone or otherwise gore them accidentally and don't notice.)
Monday 17/01/00 "Death doesn't come with a dimmer switch."
Thursday 20/01/00 "People date us?"
Fri/sat 21/01/00 "17 years old and being stabbed by my lunatic prom date."
Thursday 27/01/00 "Oh, sure, I could do with a few less brain cells."
Saturday 29/01/00 "Paint me red and call me dead"
Monday 31/01/00 "Reboot the cappy?"
Friday 04/02/00 "one of those life forms you buy from a gumball machine and add water"
Wednesday 09/02/00 "Is there a reason we have to talk about dick pumps?"
Sunday 13/02/00 "Some idiot hijacked a flight of stairs!"
Thursday 17/02/00 "Hone the padawan's rage and hatred"
Wednesday 23/02/00 "You never told me Candy was a sheep!!!"
Thursday 24/02/00 "Pink leads to the Dark Side..."
Saturday 26/02/00 "Medical assassinate"
Monday 28/02/00 "It's a beautiful piece of shit."
Wednesday 01/03/00 "Mentally nondescript"
Thursday 02/03/00 "Stop trying to set me up with your pets"
Friday 03/03/00 "They don't call my dad "the John""
Saturday 04/03/00 "accurately compare my kissing skills with Darth Mr. Fluffy"
Tuesday 14/03/00 "Yeah. I'm just Ophiuchus Zodiac."
Sunday 19/03/00 "Where's my satan?"
Monday 20/03/00 "wieldable carpet"
Thursday 23/03/00 "Why can't she be an atheist like everybody else?"
Sunday 26/03/00 "Sexually transmitted lunacy" Wednesday 29/03/00 "It's all just one big glob of weird..."
Thursday 30/03/00 "Soul sluts"
Friday 31/03/00 "I like headbutting people."
Saturday 01/04/00 "I thought he was nice until I scratched off the gold coating and found out I didn't win anything."
Sunday 02/04/00 "It really is an hour ago."
Monday 03/04/00 "Datawhore"
Thursday 06/04/99 "Craziness, aardvarks, and cesspools of fabric softener."
Sunday 09/04/00 "Flying flaming squirrels of death"
Thursday 13/04/00 "Twaking" (smacking someone upside the head with a twig then violently tweaking a protruding appendage or shaking someone viciously by the nose)
Friday 14/04/00 "Yes, let's all go into the forest to watch my character pee..."
Saturday 15/04/00 "Everyone has a distorted view of themselves. Don't let me keep you from yours."
Sunday 16/04/00 "Platonic groping"
Tuesday 18/04/00 "Not that bi"
Wednesday 19/04/00 "Rocks don't detonate!"
Saturday 22/04/00 "Hot, sexy, female men."
Sunday 23/04/00 "I couldn't see it, so I had an excuse to hit it."
Monday 24/04/00 "Everywhere in general"
Tuesday 25/04/00 "There was a time when inanimate objects were just that...inanimate."
Wednesday 26/04/00 "The subject entered the stage which scientists call "ball of charred goo". "
Thursday 27/04/00 "Darwin's flippin around in his grave shouting. "Yeah BAYBEE!" "Evolution or DIE!" "
Friday 28/04/00 "Hand over the wings."
Saturday 29/04/00 "You mean to say you're hugging her trash can?"
Sunday 30/04/00 "I want a new universe."
Monday 01/05/00 "Vulcan bully wannabes"
Tuesday 02/05/00 "Flying space nipples"
Wednesday 03/05/00 "Pathological fuckwits"
Thursday 04/05/00 "So full of herself she sprays her ego around like a male cat with a urinary tract infection."
Friday 05/05/00 "I don't know if we have bread."
Saturday 06/05/00 "Do you figure they refer to Missouri occasionally as "Misery" just because DoorMatt lives there?"
(Apologies to our beloved DoorMatt for that one...)
Sunday 07/05/00 "Gallstone, act I"
Tuesday 09/05/00 "Some people come into life wearing a sign that says "Dog". Others come into life with signs that say "Hydrant"."
Thursday 11/05/00 "Competitive Shoplifting."
Friday 12/05/00 "It sounds like a polyp in the nasal cavity." (astral narcosis)
Saturday 13/05/00 "Semi-sentient sock puppet"
Sunday 14/05/00 "Rapture of the shallow - what attracts people to blondes"
Monday 15/05/00 "All the attitude and spunk of a mad, wet rat."
Tuesday 16/05/00 "snake arse in a special sauce"
Wednesday 17/05/00 "Have more sex, it's so sveta-like!"
Thursday 18/05/00 "MrGoochie: The other white meat"
Friday 19/05/00 "Recreationally mean"
Sunday 21/05/00 "Recreational speeder"
Wednesday 25/05/00 "Knifeshot wound"
Tuesday 30/05/00 "Jesus did not have wheels."
Wednesday 31/05/00 "A bottle filled with generic pink stuff. I am scared now."
Thursday 01/06/00 "Aside from thinking about eating my pets, what have you been up to?"
Monday 05/06/00 "More fun than a barrel o' fuckwits."
Tuesday 06/06/00 "French Food You Suck On"
Wednesday 07/06/00 "Something in my book about crashing"
Thursday 08/06/00 "What is so sick about the pleasures of the flesh? Where do you think you come from?"
Friday 09/06/00 "My biological clock is ticking - lets make ratlets!"
Saturday 10/06/00 "Oooooh, Proddie's hooters!"
(Apologies to Yelena Produnova...)
Sunday 11/06/00 "Long time, no see, didn't miss ya."
Monday 12/06/00 "Are you saying that Bill Gates is kinky?"
Thursday 15/06/00 "Sorry, I guess I just confused you with myself again."
Saturday 17/06/00 "...and you see Satan walking along just like one of us..."
Sunday 18/06/00 "Decoy suction cups"
Monday 19/06/00 "Sacrifice him to the 404 gods."
Tuesday 20/06/00 "But *I'm* the one talking about genitals!"
Wednesday 21/06/00 "Wonder what a working ovary would go for on eBay?"
Thursday 22/06/00 "Dildo infested"
Friday 23/06/00 "A convertible *truck*??? Are you on something?"
Tuesday 07/04/00 "I'd like to tell him exactly what to do with a variety of barnyard animals."
Wednesday 07/05/00 "pardon me while I perform a home hysterectomy on myself and remove the offending reproductive system that is cramping..."
Saturday 07/08/00 "Would you not be embarassed to be seen in front of a superior officer with glitter in your hair???"
Monday 07/24/00 "What, no one wants to boink Dustin in drag???"
(For some reason, I can't really remember where that one came from...)
Wednesday 07/26/00 "phone suckage"
27/10/00 "Ominous squishiness"
29/10/00 "human prophylactic"
10/31/00 "Maimed by a group of elderly men"
11/06/00 "Not dead enough" and "Too dead for my liking"
11/07/00 "Not everybody dies"
11/08/00 "Walls fear me"
11/09/00 "Clearly, you did miss something. Namely my point."
11/12/00 "You know you want this huge salami"
11/13/00 "Even with dead things living in it?"
11/17/00 "I think we'll chalk that one up to reality.
11/21/00 "Mom woke up and she's in her bitchy crack-whore mood..."
11/22/00 "I'm a bitch, and that is like, so cool" (referring to the feeling of being a bitch, not people thinking you're cool because you are)
11/23/00 "I love minions"

There are more. I've used them in ICQ conversations. If anyone can send me any missing ones they know of, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

Various ones without dates...

Crash landed safely.

Palatable, but it ain't chocolate bat'leths...

Brain substitute

Aerosol food

Econoho

artificially fruit-flavored cardboard

Go harass people killing bread mold

Humans have a right to have sex

Bunnycum

"I don't ask permission to eat dinner or use the head, but I do them anyways. Sir."
"Do you eat dinner on duty, too?"
"Occasionally. If it's something that won't leave a mess on the console."

Are you trying to tell me that my boss is a Sith?

Celebrity Phrase Of The Day:

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."
-Stephen Hawking

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